


How Freedom Feels

by thinlizzy2



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Bajoran Culture, F/F, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-07-20 06:27:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16131566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinlizzy2/pseuds/thinlizzy2
Summary: On Bajoran Liberation Day, a new holiday in honor of the end of the Cardassian occupation, both Kira and Dax contemplate what freedom really means as they move forward together.





	How Freedom Feels

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThatAloneOne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatAloneOne/gifts).



It takes a lot to get a new holiday declared. 

That’s true on almost any world that any Dax has ever been to. There are exceptions of course; there always are. The Ferengi like to add a new holiday to their calendar every time they revise any of their rules of Acquisition. Although, since the Ferengi all believe in keeping their businesses open on holidays to avoid a decrease in profits, it’s hard to tell a so-called day off from all other days. And the Risians are notorious for coming up with ideas like Everyone has an Orgasm Day, which generate enormous amounts of buzz and fizzle out after their first year. But Bajor isn’t like that. The Bajoran calendar is ancient, stable and rooted in a religion that was founded long before the first Trill was ever joined. It takes something incredibly important to change it. 

The day the Cardassians withdrew from Bajor is the first event that has warranted such a change in over three centuries. As a result, the preparations for Liberation Day have been a bit tentative and unsure. The clashing colors of the posters on the Promenade clearly demonstrate that no one really knows if this is a joyous event or a somber one. And the local restaurants are just offering special Liberation discounts on their usual fare rather than a traditional meal; there are no traditions yet to adhere to. 

In keeping with the newness of the celebration, Kira Nerys definitely looks more than a little uncertain as she steps up to the podium to give the first Liberation Day speech in the history of the station. Jadzia Dax watches, and her own heart pounds in sympathy for her lover’s situation. 

Nerys never wanted to be a public figure, Jadzia knows. When she joined the military, she had imagined herself as a common soldier, just one more individual making up the army that would restore her homeworld. She hadn’t expected to receive a posting that made her Bajor’s primary contact with the Federation, and even less to become second in command of one of the most important strategic centers in the quadrant. And therefore tasked with a hell of a lot more public speaking than any soldier would ever sign up for. 

But Jadzia needn’t have worried. Nerys’s knuckles may be white on the podium and Jadzia is certain that her knees are shaking, but her voice is clear and strong and her passion for her planet is obvious. 

“We were a peaceful people, for thousands of years”, she says, “But we learned to fight when we needed to and in less than a century we became strong enough to drive our oppressors away. And we were prisoners for generations but we’re learning now to be free and prosperous, and leaders in the wider world. So now, on the first Liberation Day, we need to remember that we didn’t just win our freedom from the Cardassians. We won our freedom to grow, and to change, and to become better than we’ve ever been.” By the time her speech is finished, her cheeks are flushed, her eyes are flashing and the audience is on their feet in rapturous applause. Jadzia stands with them, clapping until her hands hurt. Some of the Bajorans glance sideways at her, bemused by an alien's enthusiasm for a national event, but she ignores them and cheers even louder. 

She may not have the deep ties to Bajor that the local residents share, but her emotional investment in Nerys runs right to the bone. 

Long before they started dating, Nerys had asked her if living so many lives made falling in love somehow pedestrian, a thing that begins and ends at one point or another in every cycle. And Jadzia had laughed out loud, shaken her head and explained that no, really, the long Trill lifespan makes falling in love feel all the more wonderful. It is genuinely marvelous that, after centuries of life in so many bodies, there are still people in the universe that can make her feel young and new and entirely thrilled.

Nerys steps from the podium into the crowd, and Jadzia’s heart gives a painful little thud as she disappears from her line of sight. They’ve agreed to spend the day together, but she knows her lover won’t make her way to her side directly. She’ll meander, greeting various Bajoran dignitaries and members of the station crew, and then come across Jadzia as if by accident. It’s her routine at events like these. Otherwise, it would look far too much like they are what they actally are, and Nerys doesn’t want that. 

But she reappears soon enough, and smiles warmly when Jadzia tells her how well she did. They walk through the Promenade together, going nowhere in particular. People call out to Nerys in Bajoran, and she responds in kind. For her part, Jadzia gets her well wishes and _Happy Liberation Days_ in Federation Standard, and eyebrows raise in surprise when she’s able to reply in the local language. 

Nerys laughs beside her and the sound makes Jadzia feel forgiving. They move side by side, their arms rubbing up against each other. Every once in a while, the backs of their hands brush and the bare skinned contact feels as erotic as a public kiss. 

Their relationship isn’t entirely a secret; they told Benjamin almost immediately to avoid any kind of issues. And Nerys was stunned by how quickly Odo figured things out. However something about that, about being so easily discovered, seems to have frightened her into asking if they can keep things more private for a while. Since then, a handful of other people have asked if they’re dating and Jadzia hates lying about it. Centuries of life have taught her that nothing good can come from keeping love hidden away in the dark; it absolutely never ends well. But walking away from something this amazing is often just as big of a mistake. So instead of sliding her arm around her lover’s waist or kissing her under one of the hanging newly-minted Freedom Matas, she hooks her little finger through Nerys’s and smiles when she gets a little squeeze in return. 

It’s hard, sometimes; she can’t deny that. The Trills are an expressive and open species, and joined Trills even more than the others. Dax’s life is naturally long, but it’s still far too short for pretending not to be head over heels when she is. But Nerys strokes her thumb lazily over inside of Jadzia’s palm – part caress and part promise – and she is reminded for only the thousandth time this morning that the small miracle they’ve found together is worth all the differences between them and then some. 

They make their ways towards the Temple, which is even busier than usual. Kira greets the pretty young Vedek who calls out to her, beckoning her forward, but shakes her head at the invitation to come inside. Jadzia senses a change in her pace, a momentary hesitation. Nerys’s religion is important to her and Jadzia is certain that if Nerys could establish any personal Liberation Day tradition that she liked then Temple visits would comprise a large part of it. So even though she’s been looking forward to their time with each other for days, she can’t help but make the offer. “You can go, if you want.” 

Nerys shakes her head. “I’m with you. How often do we get to spend a full day together without something attacking us?” 

Taking priority over the Prophets, even for a day, makes Jadzia feel generous. “I could come with you?” 

She can see the surprise on Nerys’s face; outside of some of Curzon’s lingering fascination with the Klingon gods, Dax has no real interest in religion. But Nerys must actually want to go to the Temple very much, because she chooses not to comment. The two of them pass through the curtains covering the the rounded doorway and immediately the smell of incense and the sound of the Kratcha flutes fill up Jadzia’s senses. 

The young Vedek’s smiles dims by just a fraction as she takes in Jadzia’s presence. There are Vedeks who believe strongly that Bajor should be for Bajorans alone, and that the Federation presence isn’t needed anymore. It’s possible that this young woman is one of them, though in that case wouldn’t she have chosen to serve in a Temple on the planet itself instead? The Vedek’s eyes narrow and Dax wonders if she’s actually going to say something directly, but she seems to opt for addressing just Nerys instead. “I’m so glad you’re here, Major. I wasn’t able to leave the Temple, but I watched your speech on the monitor. It was truly inspiring, and I hoped I‘d get a chance to tell you that.” She leans in close and lowers her voice playfully, her mouth almost grazing Nerys’s ear. “You know, if you wanted to arrange an orb experience, in celebration of the day, then possibly...” 

Jadzia blinks. The Bajoran orbs are the most sacred elements of their faith, and this woman is just offering them up like a fun thing to do on a day off? It’s her turn to narrow her eyes now. She knows what this is. 

Nerys politely declines with a backwards glance at Jadzia. Non-Bajorans are not allowed to interact with the orbs without special permission from the Council of Vedeks; Jadzia would have to leave if an orb were to be brought out. She is completely certain that was the young woman’s intention. 

Nerys asks if there is a private chapel available where they can meditate instead. The Vedek’s eyes slide over to Jadzia and for a moment it looks like she might refuse. Jadzia wonders how she’d spin that – could she try objecting to the presence of a non-believer in one of the sanctified inner rooms, even if there’s no orb there? But Jadzia catches her gaze and holds it, silently daring her to speak, and in the end the Vedek backs down. With another far-too-brilliant smile at Nerys, she gestures that they can proceed. 

When it’s just the two of them again, settled into the warm and dimly lit chapel, Nerys slides open the screen over the shrine and inhales deeply. Sinking to her knees, she regards the various relics with reverence. “They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” 

They _are_ beautiful, simple little masterpieces in the minimalist Bajoran style, but Jadzia can’t bring herself to say so quite yet. She considers staying silent but then Nerys will know that something is wrong and she doubts she could keep from speaking her mind for long anyway. “She wants you. You know that, right?” 

As amazing as it seems, it appears that Nerys has no idea. Her face is filled with unfeigned confusion. “What? Who?” 

Jadzia stares at her. “What do you mean, who?" She gestures towards the door. “Tall, dark hair, dresses in orange and really wants to show you her orbs.” She rolls her eyes. “You spend so much time here. How can you not know this?” 

Kira looks genuinely stunned. “Vedek Melda?” She laughs incredulously. “That’s ridiculous!” 

“Is it? Why?” In spite of herself, Jadzia can hear the beginnings of anger in her own voice. Still, she can’t hold back. “She’s got every reason to think you’re single. You’re a devout member of the faith that she’s dedicated her life to. She knows you don’t have a problem dating Vedeks. Why wouldn’t she assume it’s at least a possibility?” Nerys looks like she’s been slapped, and Jadzia regrets the last comment about the Vedeks. She forces herself to soften her voice. “Look, it’s not like I think you’ll _do_ anything with her. I trust you; you know that. It’s just that I hate that she gets to think it’s a possibiity. That’s all.” 

“She thinks it’s a possibility... because I date Vedeks?” Jadzia isn’t the only one starting to sound a little angry. 

“She thinks it’s a possibility because there’s no reason not to! Because she doesn’t know about me, because _you don’t want her to!_." So much for soft tones. 

Nerys gives an incredulous laugh. “You just met her five minutes ago, and it’s somehow important to you that she knows we’re dating?” She shrugs and waves at the door. “Fine then. Go tell her. I don’t care.” She's a painfully bad liar.

Jadzia is very, very tempted anyway, but she knows telling just one smug, irritatingly attractive Vedek won’t change anything. “It doesn’t matter.” She crosses her arms. “If it’s not her, it’ll be someone else.” 

Something in her tone gives Nerys pause. When she speaks again, her voice is softer. “I don’t want _anyone_ else. You have to know that.” 

“I do.” It’s true. As hard as keeping their secret can be, Jadzia has never suspected that Nerys might be wanting to keep her options open. “But the thing is, hardly anyone else knows it.” What she feels is so hard to explain. “I just feel like, sometimes, what we are together is stuck inside a little box. And it’s safe in there, and no one can touch it. But it also can’t touch anyone or anything else, and it can’t grow or explore; it’s just... trapped.” 

Nerys's cheeks are flushed and her eyes look wet. “You... feel trapped with me?” 

“No!” This is all going wrong. “I worry sometimes, that you feel bad for being with me. Because I’m not Bajoran; because I’m not part of this.” She gestures helplessly at the religious tokens. Despite her trying to learn as much as she can about Nerys’s homeworld, she can’t remember what half of them are supposed to represent. “And because you’re... you, and you’re so much a part of all this. But I love you. I _adore_ you.” She goes to Nerys and cups her face in her hands. “And yes, I wish I could tell that to the whole world. But if I can’t, then I can’t. And it’s okay.” She kisses Nerys softly, at the side of her mouth. “It’s worth it.” 

Nerys pulls away from her. “It’s not okay. Not at all.” She pushes past Jadzia and strides out of the temple. 

Near panic, Jadzia hurries after her. She arrives in the Temple’s main hall just in time to see Nerys waving Vedek Melda over. She opens her mouth to try to stop whatever is about to happen but is instantly silenced when she hears Nerys speak. 

“Thank you, Vedek. My girlfriend and I enjoyed the chapel very much. We’re going to go have lunch now, and take a walk, and then hopefully have some truly excellent sex. And we wish you a very happy Liberation Day.” 

Jadzia and Melda’s mouths fall open almost simultaneously. But Nerys doesn’t seem to be anywhere near finished. Grabbing Jadzia by the arm, she pulls her out the door to the very center of the promenade's walkway. She looks her fully in the face, fire in her eyes, then reaches up and kisses her passionately. 

Jadzia’s head spins. Dizzy from relief, she clutches Nerys hard, pressing their bodies together and kissing her back with everything that she has. Dimly, she is aware of people around them watching and murmuring; there is a rising tide of sound and voices. But she couldn’t care less. Her whole world is tied up in Nerys. 

Nerys eventually breaks contact. Jadzia instantly wants to be kissing again, but Nerys doesn’t go far. Instead, she rests her forehead against Jadzia’s shoulder. She speaks so softly that Jadzia knows she’s the only one who can hear her. 

“I need you to understand, I’m not used to this. I grew up in an occupied world; the Cardassians were invested in breaking our spirits. So as soon as we were seen to care about something, to _love_ something, it would be taken away from us. Just smashed to bits, destroyed.” 

Understanding floods Jadzia's mind. “So, you learned to keep the things you love secret, so no one can ruin them?” 

She feels Nerys nodding against her neck. “But I forget sometimes that I don’t have to do that anymore. We're free now. _I’m_ free, and I love you very much, Jadzia Dax.” Her raises her voice so that everyone around them can hear. “I. Love. You.” 

And Jadzia wants to say it back, but she can’t right now because she has to kiss Nerys again, right now, in front of all these people. And as Nerys kisses her back, Jadzia knows that, no matter what other Liberation Day traditions end up developing, she personally plans to kiss Kira Nerys on this day, in this spot, for years to come.


End file.
